I feel like dancing... my neurons are moving in the same rhythm...like the sound of an old french song... full of mystery... a sort of melancoly... a lot of meaning... signification...
...calm ...
...peaceful...
...poetic...
La lala lala ..La...la lala lala la ....
It is a piano ...high notes...sweet...my head goes right ...and left... making some sort of infinite signs ... spirals... oh...and you hear a violin... all the shivers on your spine go wild ...
...the accordion makes me smile...
...I do hear my heart beating loud and fast...but I no longer feel afraid ... I feel ... more
...yes I feel... and it makes sense ...
...the music...the city....the streets...the past...the present...the future...the love...the man...
Thursday, November 29, 2012
when all gets perfect
What if ...one day, you find everything that you were looking for ?!
What if... one day, you love and you are loved the way you wanted ?!
What if... in those days...everything seems to find it's place ...and you are happy ...you feel free, you feel full, you feel love, you feel silence, you feel peace ...
...but something is wrong ...
what is it wrong?
I don't know!!!
It's too silence...too clear...too peaceful...too perfect ...my brain is just taking a break...there is nothing that he needs to try to guess, to put the pieces together, to find solutions, to think of strategies, to try to understand...Everything is clear like a full moon on a serene night . And it is beautiful ...
In a world where everything changes, moves, challenges, have we become incapable of enjoying a peaceful happy moment?!
How do we seize the moment ? to smell and taste the present ?
I have the feeling that we are going too fast and too slow…fast because we are burning phases…we are already far away in a very little time frame. But also…too slow in terms of speed, adrenaline, passion… everything feels safe and I cannot even guess a possible danger in the future …it is like driving in a very safe car (4x4) with your safe-belt on, always in the speed limits and respecting all the rules, but still arriving faster because you take short-cuts.
But you also feel the potential of the car…you know that it can do a lot, it can give you all the adrenaline that you need if that is what you are requesting.
Who is the driver? And who is the one deciding on the speed, the road, the adrenaline, the safeness? Do we really need to be out of rules in order to feel it ?
I was used to dramas, problems, telenovelas and all sorts of dysfunctional relationships. I was always ready to find a new strategy, to think all the time over what is it really happening (cause it was never clear), to have a lot of ups and downs…like in a rollercoaster …and now… it is just beautiful. I just need to enjoy it. And I have a hard time doing so.
I feel like I didn’t earn it, like there was no battle from which I can say that I became victorious in order to really enjoy what I have… like a present…a gift…do I deserve it?!
I feel like these thoughts are bringing the sorrow and the drama that I do not have… but do we need that?… what I am doing is actually to hurt myself and hurt him…nothing more nothing less. Why? I don’t want that … I want to be happy …I guess
All of these make me think over the movie Sex and the City 2…when Carrie is married to Big and after all the years of drama, problems and crisis…she doesn’t know how to enjoy the new life. The life of a happy, peaceful and responsible women in a couple…when her husband (the one she always wanted) loves her and only her, she has the apartment she always dreamed of, the relationship she envisioned …and still…she finds herself out of place, unable to appreciate the calmness of it all.
(unfinished post)
Later edit: I do not feel so afraid anymore
What if... one day, you love and you are loved the way you wanted ?!
What if... in those days...everything seems to find it's place ...and you are happy ...you feel free, you feel full, you feel love, you feel silence, you feel peace ...
...but something is wrong ...
what is it wrong?
I don't know!!!
It's too silence...too clear...too peaceful...too perfect ...my brain is just taking a break...there is nothing that he needs to try to guess, to put the pieces together, to find solutions, to think of strategies, to try to understand...Everything is clear like a full moon on a serene night . And it is beautiful ...
In a world where everything changes, moves, challenges, have we become incapable of enjoying a peaceful happy moment?!
How do we seize the moment ? to smell and taste the present ?
I have the feeling that we are going too fast and too slow…fast because we are burning phases…we are already far away in a very little time frame. But also…too slow in terms of speed, adrenaline, passion… everything feels safe and I cannot even guess a possible danger in the future …it is like driving in a very safe car (4x4) with your safe-belt on, always in the speed limits and respecting all the rules, but still arriving faster because you take short-cuts.
But you also feel the potential of the car…you know that it can do a lot, it can give you all the adrenaline that you need if that is what you are requesting.
Who is the driver? And who is the one deciding on the speed, the road, the adrenaline, the safeness? Do we really need to be out of rules in order to feel it ?
I was used to dramas, problems, telenovelas and all sorts of dysfunctional relationships. I was always ready to find a new strategy, to think all the time over what is it really happening (cause it was never clear), to have a lot of ups and downs…like in a rollercoaster …and now… it is just beautiful. I just need to enjoy it. And I have a hard time doing so.
I feel like I didn’t earn it, like there was no battle from which I can say that I became victorious in order to really enjoy what I have… like a present…a gift…do I deserve it?!
I feel like these thoughts are bringing the sorrow and the drama that I do not have… but do we need that?… what I am doing is actually to hurt myself and hurt him…nothing more nothing less. Why? I don’t want that … I want to be happy …I guess
All of these make me think over the movie Sex and the City 2…when Carrie is married to Big and after all the years of drama, problems and crisis…she doesn’t know how to enjoy the new life. The life of a happy, peaceful and responsible women in a couple…when her husband (the one she always wanted) loves her and only her, she has the apartment she always dreamed of, the relationship she envisioned …and still…she finds herself out of place, unable to appreciate the calmness of it all.
(unfinished post)
Later edit: I do not feel so afraid anymore
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