What if your life was a movie ?

These days I am thinking about the dilemma of balanced life, good life, with mature and thought decisions  versus crazy, euphoric, living the moment, roller coaster kind of life.

We are trying to pursue a life of balance and maturity, a life of conformity and compromises that we see as "normal". This is the model of happiness we received trough our childhood and movies: we have around 20 smth years old,  get a job that we more or less like, settle down with our boyfriend of a few  years (or look for one in case that doesn't exist) and think about marriage, kids and growing old. Wow wow....rewind ...what ? why is this the "happy" image ? Why does it look so boring and sad when I look at it ? Why do we feel that something is missing in this picture ?

And then we remember those moments, persons or periods or events that made us "alive and awake and feeling great ". And it's funny cause usually these moments are crazy moments, when we don't think about the future and we pursue only our feelings and the wish to live as much as we can. Thoughts running like crazy, feeling so much that you need to yell out loud, to draw, to write, to express yourself in any way possible....to dance ...but also....to cry, to break everything, you feel like if you will go completely crazy , sleepless nights, tears, questioning yourself, questioning life, questioning the future and the meaning of each word, feeling, thought or smell. It's so good ...for a while ...and then it becomes tiring ...exhausting and we run back to the safeness of the "balanced, mature life" and we say..."this is the way I want it to be....this is the best for me, for my future and for all my life. I need to be mature and live a balanced life"...but then....you miss the madness....


Roller coasters are so much fun and the adrenaline makes you feel that you can touch different limits of life. And you are afraid and your heart is beating so fast...but when you finish your 30' round....you wish you could have had more. But imagine this: your wish came true and you will have to enjoy the roller coaster for 8 h  without a break. How will you feel then ? First hour is good ...but afterwards ? It might hurt you ...badly ...and mark you for life....and it's not fun after some time.


But going back....we have 1 life, 1 choice in every moment, time is running fast and never coming back, people and opportunities enter our life and leave if we don't take them by the hand. 
Imagine that your life is a movie, you are the main character and all the other characters come on the stage, play their role and at some point, they leave. Who do you want to remain in the movie with you ? What emotions or reactions does your movie produce to the viewers? And to yourself ? Are you able to take an Oscar with that movie ? Or will it go directly on tape cause it was "just another movie"  ? 

Unleash yourself and live the life  YOU want ! live the life that YOU deserve ! the kind of life that you would love to tell stories about when you grow old ! The kind of life where you never wonder "What if ?"  
Cry !!!! suffer !!!!! These are too part of life !!!! Feel embarrassed !!!! Feel insecure !!!! This is life !!!! 
Feel love!!!! Feel FREE !!! Feel the music, the art, the poetry, put colors all around, feel the amazing smell of being ALIVE !!!!


Don't settle for a comfortable life ....you just have ONE ! Make sure it worth the whole ride ! Of course it's hard...but an Oscar never comes easy !

Life is so much boring when you are not "in love"

LP(of these days/weeks): Life is so much boring when you are not "in love"

These days I am sooo bored !!!! Nothing seams to entertain me for more than a few minutes or maximum hours. And I got to think of what it's missing....and the only real response was : butterflies in my stomach.

It's weird how it happens that whatever we have, no matter how much we earn, or what promotion we've got, having true friends, maybe even having money, a good business, good health, good chocolate in our drawer ... it's just not enough.

It's like having a good soup....with all the ingredients needed (vegetables, meat, cream, and so on)  ... except that ... it is still not good enough...it's ok....we can live with it....but we will not crave for it...something is missing. I am thinking of 2 things: spices and bread . Cause it gives flavor and it accompanies your soup in such a way that you not only survive with it, but it's actually pleasant and   nourishing.
Enough about food ....cause it makes us hungry, right ?! (don't go for the chocolate ! )

But well...ya....I have a great life...but I miss some pepper ! Also...I wish I could share everything that I think and everything that happens to me with someone . Someone that it's there for me and will love me no matter what. I have my friends, sure, but they have their own life and their own "love" (bfriend/gfriend). That somebody is happy to see you and talk to you no matter the hour, no matter how busy, no matter the mood.

And we also want to feel loved...everyday ... that at home, somebody is waiting with a small surprise (like a soup cooked with love), and will keep us in their arms just like that, and will accept to hear all our bullshits that not even we, personally, want to hear.

This idea is too far  and to hard to obtain ?! Well....I would be ok just with a few butterflies then...nothing fancy. If we don't have oregano or basil  and not even pepper....I am ok just with some salt.
So if we do not have a real relationship, we still feel the need to have a "story" or just to have a "focus" on somebody, just to keep things interesting. Just to like somebody and to see how things go from day to day... is he/she going to call or not ? Should I text him/her or not ?!  Much more interesting .

Conclusion: "Waiter..... some pepper please !!! "

Giving up on "drugs"

How hard it is to give up on our "drugs" ...

We know they are bad, we know that we need to give up and stay away from them....but somehow...in the moment that we nearly succeeded to get them out of our system....we miss them. 

So yes, I wish I could give up smoking, but well, it makes me feel so good when I light up a cigarette and I relax and clear my mind while I am smoking. 

And I do want to give up on my toxic relationships, but again, it feels so exiting to taste that madness and  passion that was there and probably still is just by saying a simple "Hi".

I wish I wouldn't open my fridge and take a new slice of cheese at 10 in the evening, but my body feels so good eating it and enjoying that bite.

Small and big sins that feel so good in the moment we taste them and in a few hours they seam such a big mistake.

In life, we have some drugs that no matter how much we try to replace with healthier habits, they seem to be irreplaceable.  

Acceptance

Accepting reality is the most enlightening thing you can experience !
It's amazing. Just by saying...."yes ....this is the reality" you understand and see the big picture. It's giving you peace of mind and openness, even joy.

In a world where everybody is trying to create his own reality, stories, perceptions and lies, accepting the reality has become something so difficult to do ?

Accepting yourself with everything that you are, all the flaws, the good parts but also the improvement you have to make  is the first step in becoming a better person.

Accepting the person near you in the way that he/she is gives you the opportunity to freely chose to love or not, to continue or not, to understand and help if you can and to make the other feel appreciated and loved for what he/she is .

5 things we need to accept (The Five Things We Cannot Change … and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them, “ David Richo):

1. Everything changes and ends.

2. Things do not always go according to plan.

3. Life is not always fair.

4. Pain is part of life.

5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.

Whatever happens, accepting the reality, accepting the way we are and what we feel will set us free.

Of course that from time to time an amount of unhappiness is natural, even necessary as a way to help you learn from the experience.

Difficulties and problems will always get in our way. But the best approach trough ....embracing them...welcoming them and accepting them. Give yourself time for sadness if needed, think about it, take your lessons and move on. 

Reality is not good or bad....reality just....IS ...so whatever happens, if you succeed to calm down and see what is happening, you will realize that in the end, each path has a good part, and each time you will discover opportunities and options.

But than ...the next question is ...what is reality ? how do you differentiate reality from perception ? Is there any "real reality " ?

What is it with self esteem ?

Why is it that the people that are smart, good looking and complex ...have a low self esteem ?

In a world where everybody is frustrated and needing more and more from themselves is self esteem a problem that just got out of control ?

I have so many wonderful friends, people that I admire, people that I love, people that are beautiful inside and out and that I am proud to call friends that have the biggest insecurities ..over themselves and life.
I know so many of them that show a high self esteem...even arrogance ...but when you look behind their shells and look inside ...they are so afraid...and so insecure.

Being afraid to open, being afraid to suffer, or to loose. Some are afraid that their true self is not enough, afraid to be judged or criticized. Feeling that they might be taken for fools if they show emotions ...that being sensitive is wrong.

What do we need in order to have a healthy self esteem ?

Stories

It's interesting how people manage to see the reality in the way they need it.
Sometimes we do like this : we have the facts but we cannot accept the truth  so, what we do next in our heads is to change facts, distortion the information received in order to be  acceptable for us and our feelings.

One of this kind of stories are when we are cheated or when we are left / abandoned by our love partner. We just don't understand what is happening, why us, why to us and where did we go wrong. So....we make up stories concerning different external forces that controlled the  situation.

My favorite story about this goes smth like this : "my man cheated me / abandoned me because another girl put charms / spells on him . She took him away from me without his own will. He was actually loving me and we were having a great relationship, but this witch (or bitch, by case ) came and charmed him without him even realizing. So ? What can I do ? It was not me ! Our relationship was perfect...it was an exterior  power . "


Hahahaha....girls (cause let's admit this, boys don't do this) , please, stop lying to yourselves, it doesn't help . This idea is a total bullshit. If he is leaving or cheating you, something is wrong !!!!! Point .

And even funnier, the idiot that put his dick in another girl or be decided to leave (either as a coward or just because he doesn't love you anymore) he is a fucking saint, he is also a victim and the poor guy was charmed.

Please understand by charmed everything from seduced, conquered, spelled, or anything in between.

I cannot even underline enough how unhealthy is this way of thinking . For us as "victims". It just makes us have a wrong image about ourselves , our life and our relationships. If you are this kind of person , you will never be able to have better relationships until the point you open yourself to see and accept the truth. After, you can analyze and see what can you do next.

Stop lying to yourselves girls. Your man just didn't want you anymore or you were having problems in your relationship or you just didn't do your part so well (of being a girlfriend).

Get to the next one....but never forget to understand what was right and what was wrong in what you did in your previous relationships.

Group decisions

LP: don't involve more than one person in your decision process, they will make a mess

These  days I am working to open a new blog related to my first and most important passion , which is fashion, shoes, bags and so on .
Even if I want to do it as a passion first, the idea is that I never go for small or less. So I want to make it as good as possible, to differentiate from the other sites on the same idea and to come with something useful that also represents me.

Very simple to say, but hard to do.  I am blocked at the first thing: the name of the site . I need it to be creative, representative, fun , to be related to the pink panther and to fashion.... So, I used my facebook account to do a poll on the name of the site . And again, I find myself having more questions than answers .

Either way, the experiment it's really interesting cause I had a lot of responses and received a lot of ideas .

Still didn't decided...but I guess I am on the right way

2 sides

LP: Everyone has it's own side of the cube

So....if you look at a cube that normally should have 6 faces, which one do you see ?
Stupid question no ?

It's the same with any real life situation. We all have the same information but still, we  judge and see it totally different....or better, we see another side of the story .
That is actually wonderful cause in this way we learn  and see what we do not observe at the first look.

If for example, the faces of the cube have totally different colors , and I can see white and you can see black , than, what will happen is that I will talk about the same thing but picturing it  white and you will understand that it;s black. It's hard for me to make you see white when what you actually see is black.
And the worse is when both or at least one of the parts don't want to accept that it's possible that the same cube have different colors depending on the way you see it (on the perspective you look at it).

Still...for the same reason I always ask myself....ok....I see white and I understand that you see black....but am I right ? can I say that the cube is white? Or I should just accept that it's multicolored ?
What if most of the cube is actually black and only my side it's white ?

All in all, we have different perspectives on the same information and situations but we almost never know for sure if we are right or wrong and how should we act further ...

the physical extra mile

LP : always do the extra mile

I am the kind of pretty lazy girl when it comes to sports and movement. I enjoy staying, relaxing and doing nothing in a comfortable position .


So today, I went to the pool (like the 3rd time since I am in Paris....so....it's clear how lazy I can be , oh yes, and I ran 2 times :P ) . And I did 1 back and forth , than second, and it already started to be hard, than 3rd and I was thinking to stop. Then , I just said to myself : I want to do 5 back and forth so 10 times the lenght of the pool . And I worked so hard to do it ...and I succeed it .

But then , the friend that was with me said, I want to do 4 more lengths. I was shocked, he had already made by then around 16 , so I presumed he is running for 20 ..anyway , I said ....ok, I will wait for you.

But then I figure it out....ok, what if I do 2 more too (1 back and forth ) ? and I wasn't sure I can make it, but I did it, I swam 600 m today . I did the extra mile .

Transporting this to other subjects, sometimes, we go the extra mile cause it worth it and we can see it clearly. Even if it hurts we try to do more and more and push and push. But as I said in a previous post, know your limits and try to see when you are already bleeding and hurting yourself more than helping and doing good.

So for example, if today I was running for the target of 20, maybe at some point I couldn't have breath properly, my legs would hurt me blocking my walk for a few days , I would have a very bad sleep and I will not be able to do sports  anymore for around 6-7 days. So ? In comparison with the 12 , 20 does not give me a good report between benefits and costs paid .

But still...each time we can, we need and should do our best to take the extra mile

Happily ever after

LP : When love it's not enough

There are a few things about this. We first find out about love from stories , like the Beauty and the Beast, The little mermaid or Cinderella ...at least these are the "girls kinda stories " ...And we start to make an image about love that it's magical, that it's crossing boundaries, changes habits, overcomes differences in classes, and they all fall in love and they live "happily ever after ".
Than we see movies where everything is ending good, the first love it's the real love, they are all talking about "the one" , the perfect match and so on .
And somehow we take this image and project it to reality and we search for our prince all our lives , having false expectations and perspectives.

What I hate about all those stories (even if they do make me feel good and laugh or have a positive state) is that they never show what happens after....ok, they get together and they swear their love forever ...but what happens after ?

I guess that the reason why they do not show that is that ...after, comes the hard part...it's not only flowers blooming , and the moon and the rocks in the soul ....it's more heavy rocks all the way .

And ok, we love each other and we think it's forever or at least we hope, but than, first big fights come along....and than the next ones and the next ones ....and you wonder ...ok ...we have love , what else am I missing here ? Wasn't this the recipe ?

A lot....cause in my opinion, reality proves us that just love, it's never actually enough . There has to be a lot of other ingredients like : trust, security, respect, respect of boundaries and limits, respect of individuality, maturity, knowing,understanding and accepting each other,  having the right expectations, sincerity and will to go on and have a real mature and healthy relationship .
Wait....so I have to do all these things in the same time ?
Well yes, these and much more ....the list can go on so you name it.

Love is not simple at all...and for sure it has it's very very beautiful parts and benefits, but it also has it's difficulties and challenges.

And it depends on each and every one of us what we make out of these experiences. Sometimes we meet people that we match perfect with , but there is no spark, no chemistry thus no love. Sometimes we meet people whom we love, desire and feel passion for, but we find out that we don't match .

Watching older couples still together (like my mom and my dad ) I can see that the truth is somewhere in the middle. First, yes, they still have strong feelings about each other (even if they don't express it publicly so much) , they do  have some (or a lot of fights ) , they still are going in the same direction, but most important, they continue and persevere in being together .

As a friend of V. said "We fall in love by accident , but we chose to stay in love"

It's always a choice, my choice, your choice ...

"When you want something, all the universe conspires" ....hold it ....really ?

LP : Once you've establish a new goal you start observing everything around that it's related to it

Well...I guess Coelho was kinda right with the too much popular and overused "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it ". So ....dear Coelho....once again life proved me that you are not saying bullshits, even if your messages are a little too direct for me :P.

So yes, I have decided to open a new blog, this time on a very precise subject, which is Fashion, my dearest passion and hobby (btw stay tuned for the news :P ).

This idea came to me in a very good moment when I already have the majority of the ingredients in my hands . The only thing to do next is .....start :D . But ever since that moment , I am observing everything related to this. I always criticized people on the street regarding their clothes ...but well...now even more...I can see the slightest detail that it's not in the right place or not the happiest choice . I can see the beautiful things, I can draw different (more mature and attentive to detail) , I do my photos in a certain way, I look for information and supporters everywhere, lot's of random brainstorming on the name :P .

So yes...well...if you want to do something....I am not sure if it's the universe or yourself that it's facilitating all that you need....but still....you think and act in that direction . You start to see things that you didn't see before, see opportunities that you were just not looking for or just ignore  and you start to share your project with others ....getting their support and their ideas and in this way helping you to develop it.

 So dear Coelho ....I agree...but not quite.....I think that it's more about me that it's making it happen, and not the WHOLE universe ....I use the universe in the way that I need ...so dear....it's still me the one in charge here ...as always

learn what are your own limits and respect them

LP : learn what are your  own limits and respect them

Do you know your limits ?
Well...yes, I recognize them when I get there.
Hmm... are your sure ? Don't you just try to push them further ?  
Well, yes, I am cause this is about expending your power of endurance .
Ok Ok, but until where?
Until I cannot take it anymore.

And I can go on....cause when we talk about limits we just don't know where to stop....and if we should. Maybe it's just better to go on and never give up. We all admire ambitious persons. But what about Machiavelli : for real the purpose is excusing all the means ? Ok....than what about : the journey is the reward? We want to get to a certain point but what if all the road is full with stops and thorns ? until when should you take it ? Sometimes you just cannot stop , or turning back is not an option, but for the times where you have options, you need to know also when to stop and take another road.  Maybe you are lost and you though that you are on the right way.

What is even harder is that sometimes we are so concentrated on getting over those limits that we just do not understand what freedom and happiness means . And we go , and go , and take more and more and when we get to the end of the stairs we realize that we put the stairs on the wrong wall.....and than ? WTF ? this is not what I wanted ....Well....next time just establish better what you want, what you can take and what you cannot take .


So what are your limits ? Acknowledge them and understand until where you can compromise ....

The message we transmit though our appearance

LP of the day : Take care of the messages you  transmit trough your behavior, dressing style, accessories, make-up, words, etc

I had this discussion several times with different people. Not about a large concept about personal branding, but a more specific one, which is , what is the message you transmit to the opposite sex  through  your appearance . 

Strange....cause we get used to a certain way of dressing and arranging ourselves and we forget what is it that we transmit .

So, dressing a little sexy, putting a strident make-up ( which cam be just a red lipstick) and having big earrings can already transmit the message ...I am sexy, I want to seduce and even I am available. It's that simple ...Not even adding a certain look into a boys eyes ....and you are done....labeled placed .

But well...does that mean that we don't have to wear anything sexy anymore ? if we don't like to be approached  ? Well...up to you but it's important at least to acknowledge it .

So....take care of the message you transmit

Program

Since today I am very sensible and all I can do is read people's blog, I got to Silvia's and I've got inspired by a movie she posted.

It got in my hands exactly but exactly in the right moment after a period of excesses and no personal effectiveness.

So, in this perspective I am taking some new commitments to myself for the next 30 days...so from 5  August to 3 September included :

• I will read  at least one article / news per day , even if I am bored and not interested
• I will read at least 5 pages from my books / day , even if I am tired and not in the mood
• I will draw everyday even if very little 
• I will write a post on my blog everyday , containing a learning point or something that I am thinking about, even if  I  have the impression I don't have any ideas
• I will do one nice thing for a friend/someone close , even if it's just saying hi or listening 
• I will wake up in the moment that my clock rings , and not postpone the moment , even if I am very tired (if that is the case I will just put the clock 10-20 later when I will go to sleep)
• I will put all the things that I am using back to their places (within the next 30 min max), even if I am on  the rush, tired, not in the mood 

Since I am very kind with myself and I am always pushing my limits to unhealthy levels, 
I will set to myself the following limits :

• never overcome in one month the limit of 100 euros for shopping 
• shopping includes : clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, cosmetics that I don't die without (like perfume and  cremes )
• shopping does not include : food, stuff needed in the house, cosmetics that are a must 
• no exceptions excepted what so ever, no matter how nice the things are or how much I think that I need them 
• money do not report from a month to another...so I will have the 100 euros credit just for one month 
• I will not go out more than in 3 days / week 
• reasons : I loose time if it's more than this , I loose money, I don't give time to myself, I am not efficient and I don't concentrate on what is really important
• going out includes : going to  a bar , pub, social gatherings 
• going out does not include : making sports, taking a walk, shopping , other administrative things
• exceptions : when my parents or friends will come to me  I will join them in whatever they want to do 
• I will never be on minus again on my bank card
• even if this month it's hard, in next months I will always check my finances and plan in order to be sustainable and not get depressed cause I don't have any money anymore
• exceptions : if  I will join a trip outside the country - traveling being the only thing that I believe worth spending 
• Never let a week pass without at least 2 days of sports / movement / message 
• sports means : swimming, running, making inside exercises, massage, ping pong, walking more than 1 hour, biking, fitness, etc 
• even if I am tired, not in the mood, don't want to go down again the 7 floors , doing something else, it's cold outside, being in another country/city , there is always the possibility of making inside exercises or a massage 
• no exceptions permitted

That is it for now....they are enough ...now I will make a tracking list in order to track all my changes and after 15 days I am allowed to  add other things to my list. Now I have to focus on these .

Good luck Cris, I know you can do it and it's very very good for your goals and your discipline.

6 months

Life it's so funny sometimes, but for sure very rewarding if you want to see the full half.

I came in Paris on 13 of January ...yes I know, the luckiest number ever....so lucky that I got rubbed in the first hour. Than a weird start with a lot of challenges and happenings.

Still, the best thing that happened was to find a very special person...soon after my arrival. He became my friend, my entertainment, my laughs, my reason to sleep late, my way of not feeling alone . Than it became my passion, my challenge, my adrenalin , my drug, my peace, my life, my love.  

I have been on  a roller coaster ever since...climbing up and down to the highest highs and the lowest lows . I lived with intensity everything sometimes having the impression that my heart will explode of too many feelings, either positive or negative .

I have been questioning life, myself and the concept of relationship, not knowing even at this moment what is right and wrong ...still trying to figure it out. I have been living the best days of  my life feeling in love, feeling loved and enjoying life at it's full . I have been fighting and experience depression as I didn't wanted to even think that I could.

He is one of the smartest many that I have ever known , the most passionate by far, very intense in everything, a very kind and the most loving possible, expressive until the point where you can ask yourself if you ever knew what that meant before you meet him , moody sensitive and open, direct, critic, impulsive, ambitious and always persevering , fighting for love, fighting for his goal, fighting for the better, fighting for an ideal relationship and love. His jealous tendency is not always one of being possessive but rather of being protective toward those he  love, so it's important to understand how he works in order to prevent conflicts and hurting . A wonderful friend and person that it's always there to give you an advice, a shoulder to cry, will  listen and  help, will always provide solutions, think in plans, understand what you feel and go beyond the surface trying to figure out what is it that you really are, think and feel. Very loyal and kind, but you have to win his trust .
He made me feel safe and secure, never feeling afraid by his side, protecting me in every sense he knew.
Somehow it's very easy to misunderstand him and to rush to wrong conclusions. When fighting he is intransigent sticking to what he believes is right . So the best way is to prevent and avoid the situations where you can enter in a conflict. Cause they always have the final word.
He fears failures and will do everything necessary not to get there  or avoid it. So...he will fight...until the end...or give up before loosing..
Very strong and manly ....he made me feel like a woman in the best way possible.
Even so, if you give him the needed love and security, he will make you feel like a princess, like the most important person in the whole world. Will appreciate everything there is to appreciate and make you feel wanted and loved and venerated like a goddess .

I discovered that changes are possible even if very difficult and demanding .
I discovered there exists a person in the world that it's so complex and complete in the directions of my wishes and desires .
I discovered that continents cannot brake a feeling unless you don't take care .

But we screwed it up ...
We were not able to give up on some of our own ways, failing to understand each others expectations....or at least failing in the practice of this.
You never know what is the best...and sometimes life it's stupid by not aligning what we want with what we need. Cause we are blind in love, and we are sensitive in love, like a small kid in a dark wood ...not knowing where to and how to feel safe.We are impulsive in decision , fail to see the right path and taking the one that we see.

Life is cruel and we do not know all the time how to change it's course .

6 months of crazy love...that you can only see in movies ....I even envy myself to have lived this .


But ....it's 6 months that I am replaying over and over again....and it's the best movie that I could have every imagined ...my play ...with 2 main actors...but as always...somehow I will end alone on the stage....

Music in the metro

It's weird to see this :

I am always going with the metro, to work, from work, to go in the city, come home, etc. And each time there is somebody singing for money.

The process it's like this : they come in each wagon of the metro, sing for around 4-5 min and then they receive the money from those who want to give in a cup ...a lousy one usually .
The sound is really good cause they come with some kind of audio boxes which allows them to be quite clear and loud. They usually have a playing instrument, or just a microphone and they use their voice. I saw man and woman as well....but 8 out of 10....guess what ? romanian speakers and by their look....rroma people.
And yes...you can imagine that they earn some pretty good money. As we calculated they should do something more than 2500 euros/ month if they work 5 hours/ day , 20 days/ month . So how do you even imagine that they will ever leave from here since they earn so good?

Either way, the point is that they sing very very good. I guess I never payed so much attention on the fact that these people are so so talented in singing....ok manele manele ....but they have a real talent , in voice and in  instruments too. And they make such a good atmosphere ....you can even see the joy and passion on their face. It's incredible . The most interesting song that I heard was Gheorghe Gheorghiu - Unde dragoste nu e nimic nu e , or Un actor grabit- Laura Stoica .  This brings a big big smile on my face and also a sympathy for what they are doing, or what they are capable of doing.

Yes, I admit that there are a lot of other rroma persons that have a wrong approach in earning money...but still...we have all kinds ...as any of us.

So if you are coming to Paris....you have to know that you will find a lot of music....but don't be surprised if you hear them talking in Romanian .

Paris, always surprising

I love to plan my time

When I see my to do list I am happy :D.
It's that feeling that I have a purpose and I established how to spend my time correctly :D . I love it .

So yes , I have a big to do list , fuuuuull of II type of activities , which is wonderful but since they are not so urgent......it's less motivating :P. So....we need to push a little  :D .

I am reading a great book called "Trop intelligent pour etre heureux ? " and I love it (seems that I am full of love today :P ) . It's my first real book (long one too) in french and also I love the subject. They talk a lot about how we understand things, how the brain works and how it's connected to our affective plan.

Limits ? No....new horizonts

Thinking independent and individualist in a couple....that is bad bad bad ....
I didn't even realize what and how is that manifested in my behavior . And the problem is not the behavior but the cognitive and affective part that is the cause of it .

Normally I am a very independent, detached, rational and even selfish or at least self centered . I build myself like this and I got my benefits from this.... But now....I am getting the downside of it. I can see why it's not good anymore. I am hurting people around .

There are cases when you just have to let your shield down and receive somebody in all your life, mind and heart ...not only in parts of it ...and not only when you want to and it's convenient .....but all the way trough ...


 I am not used to think what WE should eat/do....not what I want to eat/do. . I am not used to plan in 2....but just to plan in one and go with the flow. I am not used to give...I usually receive, and |I am not thinking so much at the giving process . I am not used to put limits of any kind for the things that I want and do. I am used to be totally free.


I  do what I want when I want and I feel it. 


Well...this doesn't go when you want a happy couple life....yes it sucks ....but still...the benefits of a great relationship are far more important than this hedonistic behavior. 

So...compromises ? Yes....healthy and constructive compromises . This is the key. Understand that you are not just one anymore....you are a couple...you cannot make the same things as before. Sometimes you have to give up or give more .  Yes... Independence is the foundation of interdependence. But it precedes it !!!! Finding that interdependence is the new wanted level . Hard ? Yes, for sure....and what is even harder is that, it is impossible to love without giving away some power. When we choose to love we are giving power to make us happy - we cannot do that without also giving the power to hurt us or cause us to feel angry or scared.




So I have to accept the following :

• I will get hurt ! I will be scared and I will get angry, upset , sad and even depressed ....
• I will fight for my believes and my wishes ....but don't forget what is the most  important to you and when you are just to stubborn or vain 
• I have to set some limits on my behavior in order not to hurt others 
• I have to think in US from now on....not ME...and US = 1entity

o perioada linistita

Mda, eu am momentele mele in care scriu :P ....de obicei cand am prea mult timp liber si incep sa imi fac analize si autoanalize.

E fain aici, me likey Paris si tot ceea ce traiesc , cu acele urcusuri si coborasuri de care pomeneam in postul anterior, insa per total e de bine, spre foarte bine.

Am impresia ca am trecut bariera, spre internationalism si acum nu imi e frica sa visez la a  calatori si a trai in mai multe parti ale lumii. Vreau asta si voi lupta pentru asta.
E minunat sa cunosti alte culturi si alti oameni si chiar si mai minunat e sa incepi sa iubesti un om cu o cultura total diferita de a ta.

In momentele acestea, munca mea este pe stand-by si ma cam plictisesc, asa ca incerc sa fac ceva util pentru mine. Dintre dorintele pe care le am acum, una din ele e cea de a scrie. Nu vreau sa pierd amintirile si sentimentele pe care le am....asa ca e mult mai usor sa stiu ca le am scrise intr-un loc in care le voi putea revedea.

Tot zilele astea lucrez din nou la valorile, viziunea si misiunea mea. Imi doresc sa imi pot prioritiza obiectivele in functie de importanta si nu de urgenta si sa traiesc viata asa cum imi doresc si totusi pe linia dezvoltarii.
Vreau echilibru si nu mai vreau pierdere de vreme sau extreme. Imi doresc o viata sanatoasa, complexa si completa.

Azi a fost interesant sa revad video-ul pe care l-am facut pentru NaLDS 2008....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUiAGKKPLuM
Este plin de viata si vesel ca si mine. Cred ca inca ma reprezinta cu cateva modificari, insa da...asta sunt in putine cuvinte....poate ceva mai matura si cu mai multa experienta. Insa in continuare zambareata si optimista.

Despre sus si jos...mai mult jos :P

Din 15.04.2011 , nepostata

No bine...deci na....ma cam plictisesc si ma simt putin demotivata.

E ciudat....pentru ca acum au intrat in rand cam toate lucrurile din  viata mea....insa eu ma simt plictisita si chiar sictirita de ceva zile.

Ce dumnezeu e cu noi? Daca ploua nu avem chef sa lucram ca ploua si ne e somn, daca e soare nu avem chef sa lucram ca e soare....si e cam molesitor si nu iti arde sa stai la birou.
La fel, daca e nebunie in viata ta si ai multe de facut....vai ....esti stresat....ce naspa....daca ti se linistesc apele....dar vai....sunt plictisit. .....si din pacate la fel chiar si cu relatiile.....daca e cu ups & downs ....vai....dar nu ai sigurata, ce se intampla? ma las nu ma las? ma joc nu ma joc? care pe care....vrea nu vrea?!?! vreau nu vreau?! etc....si nu e bine ca e cosumatiune de timusor pretios si de nervisori intinsi ....dar inima bate   ...  Si cand relatia intra in matca,incepi sa te plictisesti