Amalgam de ganduri

           Ce ciudat ma simt....e o combinatie de bucurie si tristete care doare. Iti multumesc !!!

Sunt atat de multe lucruri care imi trec prin cap in acest moment si nu stiu cum as putea sa le aranjez...ma simt din nou doborata ...de mine. Imi e frica de mine...Gresesc...foarte tare...nu imi place sa mi se spuna asta, nu imi place sa gresesc ...dar o fac...am gresit si gresesc enorm...fata de oamenii din jurul meu si fata de mine. Ma doare asta...si ma doare si mai tare ca stiu ca nu o sa ma pot schimba dintrodata si cu siguranta nu o sa pot elimina toate lucrurile rele.
Imi cer scuze tuturor celor care le-am gresit : Steli, Ilinca, Dey, Ale, Roxi, Larisa, Victor,Diana, Emil, Anusca, Ariadna,Cips,Adriana, tata, MAMA, sora mea si tot ceilalti pe care i-am ranit sau le-am gresit. Imi dau seama doar acum ca s-a intamplat sa fac rau, cand imi doream sa fac bine. Imi dau seama ca perfectionismul e o cale sigura spre esec... imi dau seama ca nu e atat de important ca totul sa iasa cum imi doresc eu, imi dau seama cat sunt de singura...si cat de mult v-am putut indeparta...imi dau seama ce important e sa fii sincer... imi dau seama ce important e sa ai incredere in ceilalti oameni...ca nu e atat de important sa fii cel mai bun...ca lumea se comporta cu tine ca o oglinda a ceea ce faci tu...ca e greu pana ce incepi...ca e greu sa te schimbi...realizez doar acum cum ma percep cei din jur...si doare. Imi dau seama ce important e sa ii las pe oameni sa ma cunoasca ma bine...ca e ok sa fii vulnerabil in fata altora. Ce gresit e sa critici si sa le arati oamenilor tot timpul ce fac gresit sau sa ii ghidezi spre a face cum iti doresti tu(care nu e tot timpul cea mai buna solutie).
Inconstient mi-am dorit tot timpul sa fiu perfecta ...and guess what? nu sunt...si nu am cum sa fiu...si nu e bine sa fiu perfecta ...nici macar nu e ok sa imi doresc asta.

Cel mai mult imi doresc acum...sa nu uit aceste lucruri...sa imi aduc aminte ce am invatat si sa ma comport ca atare.
Doare...al dracului...chiar doare...dar stiu ca e cel mai bun lucru care mi se putea intampla...si va multumesc din suflet tuturor celor care ati contribuit la asta.



  

The "E" spirit

I'm so glad, enthusiastic and motivated by my team...I simply adore them...they are 8 wonderful persons that I got the chance to work with. How beautiful ...9 different and special persons working together at their common passion ...fascinating .
When you have something like this , you can see the synergy , sparkles and ideas mixed with passion that are flowing in the air during the hole meeting...this really motivates me , gives me energy, gives me sense ...makes me go forward and makes me want more of this .
I hope this won't come to an end ...I know that realistically speaking this euphoria disappears after a time ...but I don't want it to go ...
The "E" spirit should be something that leasts forever ...

thanks a lot guys for this feeling ...

dreams

And things started to rush. I'm feeling the pressure , I'm feeling the fear , I'm facing the unknown : What will it happen ? Were will I be ? What will I do? Am I going to do what I planed or is there something else for me ?
Sometimes in life you make a lot of planes and you see your future so clear that you can’t even imagine that it won’t happen ...and then you’re stroked with some real facts. Maybe...just maybe what you always dreamed and planed won’t happen...maybe...just maybe...there are some facts that you didn’t take into consideration (and some of them you cannot control).
Do you stop then? Are you going to make other plans just because something is getting in the way of your dreams ?


My answer is no...I’m going towards my dreams and no matter the path , I know I can reach my dreams ...I believe in myself and what I want to do.
“There are two ways of meeting difficulties: You alter the difficulties or you alter yourself to meet them.”

I want a kitten

I just love this British Shorthairs

Jung Typology Test

This is the result of the test that I took on Jung Typology Test
The Portait of the ENTJ - extroverted iNtuitive thinking judging

ENTJs are natural born leaders. They live in a world of possibilities where they see all sorts challenges to be surmounted, and they want to be the ones responsible for surmounting them. They have a drive for leadership, which is well-served by their quickness to grasp complexities, their ability to absorb a large amount of impersonal information, and their quick and decisive judgments. They are "take charge" people.

They are constantly scanning their environment for potential problems which they can turn into solutions. They generally see things from a long-range perspective, and are usually successful at identifying plans to turn problems around - especially problems of a corporate nature. ENTJs are usually successful in the business world, because they are so driven to leadership.
ENTJs love to interact with people. As Extroverts, they're energized and stimulated primarily externally. There's nothing more enjoyable and satisfying to the ENTJ than having a lively, challenging conversation. They especially respect people who are able to stand up to the ENTJ, and argue persuasively for their point of view. There aren't too many people who will do so, however, because the ENTJ is a very forceful and dynamic presence who has a tremendous amount of self-confidence and excellent verbal communication skills. Even the most confident individuals may experience moments of self-doubt when debating a point with an ENTJ.

Fieldmarshals have a strong natural urge to give structure and direction wherever they are -- to harness people in the field and to direct them to achieve distant goals.
They cannot not build organizations, and cannot not push to implement their goals. When in charge of an organization, whether in the military, business, education, or government, Fieldmarshals more than any other type desire (and generally have the ability) to visualize where the organization is going, and they seem able to communicate that vision to others. Their organizational and coordinating skills tends to be highly developed, which means that they are likely to be good at systematizing, ordering priorities, generalizing, summarizing, at marshalling evidence, and at demonstrating their ideas.
They are tireless in their devotion to their jobs and can easily block out other areas of life for the sake of their work.

Although ENTJs are not naturally tuned into other people's feelings, these individuals frequently have very strong sentimental streaks. Often these sentiments are very powerful to the ENTJ, although they will likely hide it from general knowledge, believing the feelings to be a weakness.

The ENTJ has many gifts which make it possible for them to have a great deal of personal power, if they don't forget to remain balanced in their lives. The are assertive, innovative, long-range thinkers with an excellent ability to translate theories and possibilities into solid plans of action. They are usually tremendously forceful personalities, and have the tools to accomplish whatever goals they set out for.

Steve Jobs, Al Gore, Harrison Ford,Steve Martin,Whoopi Goldberg,Napoleon, Margret Thatcher, Carl Sagan, Bill Gates, Golda Meir, Edward Teller, George Benard Shaw, and General George C. Marshall are examples of ENTJ.

The onion

The onion is a vegetable with many layers . What is the core of your onion? This is a question that I tried to answer in the last period. It’s funny cause the layers seem to be endless. You keep wondering yourself why? why? why?... and you keep on finding answers or –most probably- lots of other questions.

I can say that I started to rediscover my first layer . Rediscover, because I was so preoccupied with finding the core, that I forgot about the first layer (or you can say the wrapping). It is so interesting , my wrapping is so different from the layer that I got to (the one that I can say it is really close to the core). What is even more interesting ,is that fact that most people see only my first layer (the wrapping) and probably that is something normal.
I can say that this was the biggest “re”discovery that I’ve made and it makes me wondering but also happy. Happy because I know that they are wrong and I know that I can change that .

Why do we have so many layers ? What lays in the core of ourselves?

This was another thing that I learned in the past few weeks : every person has a beautiful core . In our essence we are all good and have the best motivations to behave like we do. What happens is that because of some : contexts, environments, history, bad examples, different experiences and all sorts of other things , the output may not be in concordance with the core…and so , our wrapping may seem ugly(even though we are not). Didn`t it ever happened to you to have the best intentions to do one thing and it came out a disaster (or others perceived it totally different )?

The biggest shift for me was related with understanding others trough this paradigm (that I just described). Now I feel different , I love everybody and I feel like I understand them. I have such a strange feeling : I’m going on the streets and I see so many strangers ,I’m looking at them and I say into my mind : “I know that you are a beautiful person that is waiting to be discovered“. I feel more tolerant and I believe in myself more.

What happens if you let go of your layers …and show the core? Well, in my opinion and from what happened to me is like this: I feel free, I feel outburst and unleashed ..I feel myself .Others are more receptive with you and you also are more fragile and exposed to different emotions. For me, talking with somebody that knows and understands me is the best way of spending my time .

So…I shall try to let go of my layers …as much as I can …I think is the best

Me ...reloaded

Hello, long time no see J . It happened a lot of stuff into my life and I promise I’ll make some time to make it up to my diary to update everything J.

Right now I just feel I want to write about my thoughts and my feelings because they are running really random and feel the need to get out.

I recently discovered lots of things about myself , starting with my readings from Covey, the D.Y.P Project , NaLDS (a leadership conference in Germany that I recently attended) and RTS (our regional conference in AIESEC).

I can say that it was the best period in my life from the point of view of discovery and improvement… and it’s still going on…

The thing that I can say that it was the most important for me, was to realize what motivates me and makes me happy. And I came to this : first is my beloved (to whom I can thank every day for everything that he is and does) , second and really important,is my contribution to others development . I analyzed all my past and the steps that I did and it was there…without a name …I did volunteer work in different organizations , I did trainings, coaching, projects and all this made me happy. Not for demonstrating anything (how some may thing), because except learning I didn’t got something else , but for the feeling of contributing to others development. Help others : smaller than you , equally or even bigger than you to go one step ahead. I spent nights without much sleep, I woke up motivated and ready for action and spent my days with passion when it came to develop others.

The way that I love best to do it is by training. It is just an indescribably feeling : preparing the session, wake up in that morning , the feelings and the bits of my heart before delivery and the amazing energy and motivation that I get during the training. The best fulfillment feeling for me is the one after a successful training session that I held. It just gives me wings. When I can see that my training had an impact and the participants feel they learned a lot from it makes me happy. This is training for me.

For the next year I choose to run for Projects Vice-president in AIESEC Cluj-Napoca . I want to have this opportunity because I believe that I can contribute best to others development . I would love for AIESEC to have as much quality and impact projects as possible for the next year and I believe that is doable(with or without my) .

I said “with or without my” because I’m not so sure anymore if I’m the right person for this position. I believe in myself and I would like others around my to know me and trust in me as much as I do…

I know that I have some improvable points that I have to work on, and I already started to work on them(this will be another story that I promise to share) but is very hard to change habits or behaviors in a short time.

I also know that I’m not a very transparent person , that meaning that the core of me , remains for me and a few others. I know that maybe most of the time people can see only a wrapping (that might be good or bed) but for me, regarding my past ,is very hard to show off shell. I know that it can do me lots of good(to get out from the shell) , but I’m afraid of the hurting …I had too much…and I don’t want it anymore .

The bottom line : I love and I believe in myself , I also know that I’m not a perfect person and I know that the first impression is not the accurate one (I learned this in practice :p) so , whatever happens I’ll just follow my vision (which includes developing others ).