Limits ? No....new horizonts

Thinking independent and individualist in a couple....that is bad bad bad ....
I didn't even realize what and how is that manifested in my behavior . And the problem is not the behavior but the cognitive and affective part that is the cause of it .

Normally I am a very independent, detached, rational and even selfish or at least self centered . I build myself like this and I got my benefits from this.... But now....I am getting the downside of it. I can see why it's not good anymore. I am hurting people around .

There are cases when you just have to let your shield down and receive somebody in all your life, mind and heart ...not only in parts of it ...and not only when you want to and it's convenient .....but all the way trough ...


 I am not used to think what WE should eat/do....not what I want to eat/do. . I am not used to plan in 2....but just to plan in one and go with the flow. I am not used to give...I usually receive, and |I am not thinking so much at the giving process . I am not used to put limits of any kind for the things that I want and do. I am used to be totally free.


I  do what I want when I want and I feel it. 


Well...this doesn't go when you want a happy couple life....yes it sucks ....but still...the benefits of a great relationship are far more important than this hedonistic behavior. 

So...compromises ? Yes....healthy and constructive compromises . This is the key. Understand that you are not just one anymore....you are a couple...you cannot make the same things as before. Sometimes you have to give up or give more .  Yes... Independence is the foundation of interdependence. But it precedes it !!!! Finding that interdependence is the new wanted level . Hard ? Yes, for sure....and what is even harder is that, it is impossible to love without giving away some power. When we choose to love we are giving power to make us happy - we cannot do that without also giving the power to hurt us or cause us to feel angry or scared.




So I have to accept the following :

• I will get hurt ! I will be scared and I will get angry, upset , sad and even depressed ....
• I will fight for my believes and my wishes ....but don't forget what is the most  important to you and when you are just to stubborn or vain 
• I have to set some limits on my behavior in order not to hurt others 
• I have to think in US from now on....not ME...and US = 1entity