When I see my to do list I am happy :D.
It's that feeling that I have a purpose and I established how to spend my time correctly :D . I love it .
So yes , I have a big to do list , fuuuuull of II type of activities , which is wonderful but since they are not so urgent......it's less motivating :P. So....we need to push a little :D .
I am reading a great book called "Trop intelligent pour etre heureux ? " and I love it (seems that I am full of love today :P ) . It's my first real book (long one too) in french and also I love the subject. They talk a lot about how we understand things, how the brain works and how it's connected to our affective plan.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Limits ? No....new horizonts
Thinking independent and individualist in a couple....that is bad bad bad ....
I didn't even realize what and how is that manifested in my behavior . And the problem is not the behavior but the cognitive and affective part that is the cause of it .
Normally I am a very independent, detached, rational and even selfish or at least self centered . I build myself like this and I got my benefits from this.... But now....I am getting the downside of it. I can see why it's not good anymore. I am hurting people around .
There are cases when you just have to let your shield down and receive somebody in all your life, mind and heart ...not only in parts of it ...and not only when you want to and it's convenient .....but all the way trough ...
I am not used to think what WE should eat/do....not what I want to eat/do. . I am not used to plan in 2....but just to plan in one and go with the flow. I am not used to give...I usually receive, and |I am not thinking so much at the giving process . I am not used to put limits of any kind for the things that I want and do. I am used to be totally free.
I do what I want when I want and I feel it.
Well...this doesn't go when you want a happy couple life....yes it sucks ....but still...the benefits of a great relationship are far more important than this hedonistic behavior.
So...compromises ? Yes....healthy and constructive compromises . This is the key. Understand that you are not just one anymore....you are a couple...you cannot make the same things as before. Sometimes you have to give up or give more . Yes... Independence is the foundation of interdependence. But it precedes it !!!! Finding that interdependence is the new wanted level . Hard ? Yes, for sure....and what is even harder is that, it is impossible to love without giving away some power. When we choose to love we are giving power to make us happy - we cannot do that without also giving the power to hurt us or cause us to feel angry or scared.
So I have to accept the following :
I didn't even realize what and how is that manifested in my behavior . And the problem is not the behavior but the cognitive and affective part that is the cause of it .
Normally I am a very independent, detached, rational and even selfish or at least self centered . I build myself like this and I got my benefits from this.... But now....I am getting the downside of it. I can see why it's not good anymore. I am hurting people around .
There are cases when you just have to let your shield down and receive somebody in all your life, mind and heart ...not only in parts of it ...and not only when you want to and it's convenient .....but all the way trough ...
I am not used to think what WE should eat/do....not what I want to eat/do. . I am not used to plan in 2....but just to plan in one and go with the flow. I am not used to give...I usually receive, and |I am not thinking so much at the giving process . I am not used to put limits of any kind for the things that I want and do. I am used to be totally free.
I do what I want when I want and I feel it.
Well...this doesn't go when you want a happy couple life....yes it sucks ....but still...the benefits of a great relationship are far more important than this hedonistic behavior.
So...compromises ? Yes....healthy and constructive compromises . This is the key. Understand that you are not just one anymore....you are a couple...you cannot make the same things as before. Sometimes you have to give up or give more . Yes... Independence is the foundation of interdependence. But it precedes it !!!! Finding that interdependence is the new wanted level . Hard ? Yes, for sure....and what is even harder is that, it is impossible to love without giving away some power. When we choose to love we are giving power to make us happy - we cannot do that without also giving the power to hurt us or cause us to feel angry or scared.
So I have to accept the following :
- I will get hurt ! I will be scared and I will get angry, upset , sad and even depressed ....
- I will fight for my believes and my wishes ....but don't forget what is the most important to you and when you are just to stubborn or vain
- I have to set some limits on my behavior in order not to hurt others
- I have to think in US from now on....not ME...and US = 1entity
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
o perioada linistita
Mda, eu am momentele mele in care scriu :P ....de obicei cand am prea mult timp liber si incep sa imi fac analize si autoanalize.
E fain aici, me likey Paris si tot ceea ce traiesc , cu acele urcusuri si coborasuri de care pomeneam in postul anterior, insa per total e de bine, spre foarte bine.
Am impresia ca am trecut bariera, spre internationalism si acum nu imi e frica sa visez la a calatori si a trai in mai multe parti ale lumii. Vreau asta si voi lupta pentru asta.
E minunat sa cunosti alte culturi si alti oameni si chiar si mai minunat e sa incepi sa iubesti un om cu o cultura total diferita de a ta.
In momentele acestea, munca mea este pe stand-by si ma cam plictisesc, asa ca incerc sa fac ceva util pentru mine. Dintre dorintele pe care le am acum, una din ele e cea de a scrie. Nu vreau sa pierd amintirile si sentimentele pe care le am....asa ca e mult mai usor sa stiu ca le am scrise intr-un loc in care le voi putea revedea.
Tot zilele astea lucrez din nou la valorile, viziunea si misiunea mea. Imi doresc sa imi pot prioritiza obiectivele in functie de importanta si nu de urgenta si sa traiesc viata asa cum imi doresc si totusi pe linia dezvoltarii.
Vreau echilibru si nu mai vreau pierdere de vreme sau extreme. Imi doresc o viata sanatoasa, complexa si completa.
Azi a fost interesant sa revad video-ul pe care l-am facut pentru NaLDS 2008....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUiAGKKPLuM
Este plin de viata si vesel ca si mine. Cred ca inca ma reprezinta cu cateva modificari, insa da...asta sunt in putine cuvinte....poate ceva mai matura si cu mai multa experienta. Insa in continuare zambareata si optimista.
E fain aici, me likey Paris si tot ceea ce traiesc , cu acele urcusuri si coborasuri de care pomeneam in postul anterior, insa per total e de bine, spre foarte bine.
Am impresia ca am trecut bariera, spre internationalism si acum nu imi e frica sa visez la a calatori si a trai in mai multe parti ale lumii. Vreau asta si voi lupta pentru asta.
E minunat sa cunosti alte culturi si alti oameni si chiar si mai minunat e sa incepi sa iubesti un om cu o cultura total diferita de a ta.
In momentele acestea, munca mea este pe stand-by si ma cam plictisesc, asa ca incerc sa fac ceva util pentru mine. Dintre dorintele pe care le am acum, una din ele e cea de a scrie. Nu vreau sa pierd amintirile si sentimentele pe care le am....asa ca e mult mai usor sa stiu ca le am scrise intr-un loc in care le voi putea revedea.
Tot zilele astea lucrez din nou la valorile, viziunea si misiunea mea. Imi doresc sa imi pot prioritiza obiectivele in functie de importanta si nu de urgenta si sa traiesc viata asa cum imi doresc si totusi pe linia dezvoltarii.
Vreau echilibru si nu mai vreau pierdere de vreme sau extreme. Imi doresc o viata sanatoasa, complexa si completa.
Azi a fost interesant sa revad video-ul pe care l-am facut pentru NaLDS 2008....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUiAGKKPLuM
Este plin de viata si vesel ca si mine. Cred ca inca ma reprezinta cu cateva modificari, insa da...asta sunt in putine cuvinte....poate ceva mai matura si cu mai multa experienta. Insa in continuare zambareata si optimista.
Despre sus si jos...mai mult jos :P
Din 15.04.2011 , nepostata
No bine...deci na....ma cam plictisesc si ma simt putin demotivata.
E ciudat....pentru ca acum au intrat in rand cam toate lucrurile din viata mea....insa eu ma simt plictisita si chiar sictirita de ceva zile.
Ce dumnezeu e cu noi? Daca ploua nu avem chef sa lucram ca ploua si ne e somn, daca e soare nu avem chef sa lucram ca e soare....si e cam molesitor si nu iti arde sa stai la birou.
La fel, daca e nebunie in viata ta si ai multe de facut....vai ....esti stresat....ce naspa....daca ti se linistesc apele....dar vai....sunt plictisit. .....si din pacate la fel chiar si cu relatiile.....daca e cu ups & downs ....vai....dar nu ai sigurata, ce se intampla? ma las nu ma las? ma joc nu ma joc? care pe care....vrea nu vrea?!?! vreau nu vreau?! etc....si nu e bine ca e cosumatiune de timusor pretios si de nervisori intinsi ....dar inima bate ... Si cand relatia intra in matca,incepi sa te plictisesti
No bine...deci na....ma cam plictisesc si ma simt putin demotivata.
E ciudat....pentru ca acum au intrat in rand cam toate lucrurile din viata mea....insa eu ma simt plictisita si chiar sictirita de ceva zile.
Ce dumnezeu e cu noi? Daca ploua nu avem chef sa lucram ca ploua si ne e somn, daca e soare nu avem chef sa lucram ca e soare....si e cam molesitor si nu iti arde sa stai la birou.
La fel, daca e nebunie in viata ta si ai multe de facut....vai ....esti stresat....ce naspa....daca ti se linistesc apele....dar vai....sunt plictisit. .....si din pacate la fel chiar si cu relatiile.....daca e cu ups & downs ....vai....dar nu ai sigurata, ce se intampla? ma las nu ma las? ma joc nu ma joc? care pe care....vrea nu vrea?!?! vreau nu vreau?! etc....si nu e bine ca e cosumatiune de timusor pretios si de nervisori intinsi ....dar inima bate ... Si cand relatia intra in matca,incepi sa te plictisesti
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Nu am chef azi..nu am chef azi...
...n-am chef de nimic....
Ei bine, zilele , saptamanile, lunile trec...
Si treci prin mai multe etape .
Mie mi s-a intamplat cam asa ceva :
Ma intorc la scris de CV-uri si scrisori de intentie :D
Ei bine, zilele , saptamanile, lunile trec...
Si treci prin mai multe etape .
Mie mi s-a intamplat cam asa ceva :
- prima faza a fost una de euforie a evadarii - in care m-am simtit libera, intr-o vacanta binemeritata dupa atata timp . Asta a insemnat sa fac tot ceea ce nu imi permiteam sa fac inainte: sa dorm pana la ce ora am chef, sa ma uit la filme, sa citesc carti, sa ies in cluburi si la cafele, sa ma culc seara la ore extrem de tarzii, sa spun da celor mai multe propuneri de a iesi din casa
- faza doi e cea in care, incepi sa te plictisesti de copilarit, iesit si vacanta, iti dai seama ca banii se cam duc si incepi sa iti pui problema sa iti cauti totusi un job nou, ca doar nu o sa pice din cer, trebuie sa si actionezi ca atare
- in faza a 3-a deja esti serios preocupata de gasirea unui noi job, insa incep sa apara problemele si intrebarile de tot felul : si unde ar trebui sa imi caut :aici , in bucuresti, in strainatate? si in ce domeniu? parca acum ar fi momentul sa schimb ceva daca e de schimbat? Wow.....ce putine joburi libere si ce multi candidati....auci....am aplicat deja la aprox 80 de job-uri si mi-a fost vizualizat CV-ul de 10 ori :( . Ce e asta? Se pare ca nu e asa de usor :((
- in faza 4 deja incepi sa intri in panica ...nici un rezultat, demotivare maxima, nici nu iti mai vine sa te ridici din pat....cand deja trebuie sa scrii o noua scrisoare de intentie parca te apuca durerea de cap ...si au si vai ....si au si vai deja au trecut cateva luni, deja e alarmant...ce se intampla cu mine? parca eram si eu buna la ceva? nu mai stiu ce vreau si incotro sa ma indrept . Si incerci sa iti cauti o farama de motivare...care saraca e si ea destul de fluctuanta ...ba e ...ba nu e , dar ramai totusi cu speranta si optimismul caracteristici dar si cu presiunea timpului, a banilor si a lipsei de activitate in spate
- urmatoarele faze.....ramane de vazut :P.... nu stiu adik :D
Ma intorc la scris de CV-uri si scrisori de intentie :D
Friday, July 16, 2010
What is a friend ?
Good question....
A character in your play ... that comes in ...plays he's role, an important one ...and vanishes behind the curtains at some point...
I wish there were more then one main character in my play... Why can't I just direct my own play? It's mine...I am the main character...I want to say who is staying and who is leaving !!! Well...I'm not ...I am just an actor performing the role of his life and I have to play by the rules.
Still...there are so few persons in our life that are present even though they are not on the stage. You just know they are there...and that somehow helps you not to feel alone ...
For me a friend is somebody that understands me behind my actions and my words...it's a person that feels me without even saying a word ...somebody who is aware of my own limitation and accepts them ...somebody who can see my flaws and the ugliness and accepts that ... he is just there ...feeling and understanding ...listening without judging, questioning or trying to change me...and knowing that I am there in the same way for him.
Sometimes I am afraid to commit to anything but mostly I am afraid to keep my relationship with others.... I know...it's strange...but this is me. I am afraid to just let go because of the fear of that imminent end...I am afraid to discover at some point that it's just another character in my own play and I was a character for he's.
I am afraid of disappointments ...because it always comes to this. Somebody gets disappointed at some level or they just get a more important role in other play ...and it all breaks down in a flash...
And yet....we are never ever alone on the stage. There are always other characters ... playing different roles in importance and influence over your own . You play your own role adapted to the new scenes and characters ... and even if your script changes ...you are still yourself...the actor ...only playing the new script adapted to the requirements of your public (the world we are living in)...
A character in your play ... that comes in ...plays he's role, an important one ...and vanishes behind the curtains at some point...
I wish there were more then one main character in my play... Why can't I just direct my own play? It's mine...I am the main character...I want to say who is staying and who is leaving !!! Well...I'm not ...I am just an actor performing the role of his life and I have to play by the rules.
Still...there are so few persons in our life that are present even though they are not on the stage. You just know they are there...and that somehow helps you not to feel alone ...
For me a friend is somebody that understands me behind my actions and my words...it's a person that feels me without even saying a word ...somebody who is aware of my own limitation and accepts them ...somebody who can see my flaws and the ugliness and accepts that ... he is just there ...feeling and understanding ...listening without judging, questioning or trying to change me...and knowing that I am there in the same way for him.
Sometimes I am afraid to commit to anything but mostly I am afraid to keep my relationship with others.... I know...it's strange...but this is me. I am afraid to just let go because of the fear of that imminent end...I am afraid to discover at some point that it's just another character in my own play and I was a character for he's.
I am afraid of disappointments ...because it always comes to this. Somebody gets disappointed at some level or they just get a more important role in other play ...and it all breaks down in a flash...
And yet....we are never ever alone on the stage. There are always other characters ... playing different roles in importance and influence over your own . You play your own role adapted to the new scenes and characters ... and even if your script changes ...you are still yourself...the actor ...only playing the new script adapted to the requirements of your public (the world we are living in)...
reading other people's stories
This is awkward in so many ways ...writing...in English (which I feel I lost on the road because of lack in practice) .
I reached the conclusion that even though I feel the need to write what I am feeling I am afraid to share it. People judge so easily ...just by reading your post on a blog or your status on facebook. And they have the impression that they somehow know what are you about and what you are going through ...
Feeling of being judged with the wrong proofs...feeling of being afraid to just let go be depressed if I want to be depressed and happy if happiness is what I am feeling.
People are afraid to be single and so they do all sorts of stuff to run away from that... but what happens at the end of the day when you put your head on the pillow is the moment of truth .
Sometimes you feel like an open book that nobody seems to understand. What? Why? Read it again.... I'm sure you will figure it out. You can't ...ohhh...but why? Damn....for me it's all so clear ....why can't you see through my glasses ? ...shit...I forgot ... we are wearing different glasses...
And we are reading other stories and we think that we understand...but do we?
I reached the conclusion that even though I feel the need to write what I am feeling I am afraid to share it. People judge so easily ...just by reading your post on a blog or your status on facebook. And they have the impression that they somehow know what are you about and what you are going through ...
Feeling of being judged with the wrong proofs...feeling of being afraid to just let go be depressed if I want to be depressed and happy if happiness is what I am feeling.
People are afraid to be single and so they do all sorts of stuff to run away from that... but what happens at the end of the day when you put your head on the pillow is the moment of truth .
Sometimes you feel like an open book that nobody seems to understand. What? Why? Read it again.... I'm sure you will figure it out. You can't ...ohhh...but why? Damn....for me it's all so clear ....why can't you see through my glasses ? ...shit...I forgot ... we are wearing different glasses...
And we are reading other stories and we think that we understand...but do we?
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